If you take a look around, the number of unstable relationships are at a peak. Fathers can’t get along with sons, daughters have issues with their moms, husbands and wives can’t find common ground, siblings detest each other and friends fall apart like a pack of cards. The scenario is super charged to say the least and has created a lot of tension.
Now, the objective of this blog is to understand the energetics of the third wheel in a relationship. Every highly charged unstable relationship has a third wheel involved in the equation who pretty much regulates and harmonizes the flow of energy in such relationships and keeps it from short-circuiting. Thus, the third wheel fulfills the role of a resistor in human relationships. This role is often seen to be played by an Empath. Oxford Languages defines an empath as a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual. Check this blog for a detailed description of who an empath is:
Traditionally it was our moms who regulated the dynamics of the whole family and kept everything in harmony. She did this from a place of deep receptivity which is the energy signature of the feminine woman. Her strength was quiet and spiritual in nature. While the man built a house, she transformed it into a home. Like most things in this world that doesn’t give instant gratification, her contribution was never acknowledged. She was a “stay-at-home” mom. Her life was deemed easy and inconsequential. The divide between the man and woman widened as she withered from the lack of appreciation that her essence desired. She flipped the switch on her emotions and tapped into her masculine side. But she carried the wounds of “being not enough” even when she demonstrated sincerity and dedication to her career. She was never the first to be considered for a promotion or an increment. Centuries of being hunted down, exploited and brutalized for her innate wisdom and her connection to nature had taught her to mistrust order, authority, control-structures and keepers of dogma. The divide between man and woman intensified further and we had women protesting on the streets and demanding justice. A glass ceiling was perceived. What wasn’t perceived that this ceiling has been created within her being. Feminism fed into the fire and widened the divide. She was taught to compete when her inner nature desired collaboration. Her heart of gold which was the hearth of home was now a heart of stone. The world was becoming more sterile by the day and empathy a rare quality.
Now moving to the energetics of dysfunction. Masculine and feminine are the two fundamentals energies which commingle in various ways in order to create. When they are in balance, there is harmony and stability. The greater is the polarity between them, greater is the pull or attraction. Just like a circuit, a human resistor works as an interface for maintaining balance and harmony in a dysfunctional relationship where the energetics are highly imbalanced. Most of humanity is high on masculinity and this creates a lot of conflict. A relationship may have a male and a female but if both are predominantly masculine energetically, harmony is hard to find. Like charges repel each other energetically and thus the need for a third energy to be the receptive vessel of femininity is created. Generally it’s an empath who offers his shoulders for everyone to cry on. The empath has the gift of being tuned in to his senses. He can feel emotions and translate his awareness of the same for the benefit of others who are not so sensitive or perceptive. Everybody flocks to the empath whenever tragedy strikes cause nobody else gets them like the empath does. This makes the empath feel appreciated and relevant. He trades his time and collects negative emotions as his keep. In the process he denies the opportunity to the two main players in the equation to learn and grow by developing their own awareness. He would rather they didn’t because then his role as the resistor will become insignificant and that equals ego-death. Soon enough he doesn’t know whether what he feels is even his own emotions and fact of the matter is that a lot of it isn’t. Confusion sets into his body and then moves up to his mind. As the negative emotions pile on, he turns off his switch. Addictive behaviours start showing up. He then hands over the steering wheel of his mind to the very people who filled him up with their negative emotions. It’s a downward spiral. Who is to blame here? No one. It’s just a classic case of the half-blind leading the blind. All you can do is take responsibility for the dynamic and make the necessary inner corrections. It’s called cleaning up your act and it starts with self-awareness.
In my experience, the root of the issue is that empaths often suffer from issues like low self-worth, lack of self-love, a negative self-image etc. Their sensitivity comes from a level of inner attainment of the heart they are born with. But this also makes them an outcast. Their introverted, sensitive souls are considered frail and outworldly. The lack of belonging is a felt experience that they suffer from deeply. This makes them bottle up their emotions. However, in intimate connections they open up and turn on he light of their soul. This makes their presence uplifting for friends and family due to their high degree of relatedness. At the subtle level they function like living crystals and soak up the negativity from people around them just like a sponge. If you are soaking up emotions from the environment, it suggests that you have holes in your energy body. The reasons for the same could be multiple. There may be unresolved issues from a difficult childhood, traumatic experiences , abuse, dysfunctional relationships, etc.
At some point the pain of carrying the trauma becomes so great that they subconsciously try to heal themselves by trying to help other people. It’s just a roundabout and terrible way of dealing with their own issues. But by stepping into other people’s shit, they pile on more shit into their own energy field. So now not only do they have unresolved shit to deal with from their childhood or whatever negative experiences they have had to suffer, they have toxic shit on their account for trying to act like a saviour. This may sound brutal but that’s exactly what’s needed here. Brutal self-awareness and boundaries. So many people talk about how being an empath is a superpower. It may be. But it can as easily be a super-stressor. Being a human is a superpower but how many of us leverage it? An empath without boundaries is on the path of becoming a covert narcissist. He gives to feel pleasure from having been useful. The little drops of pleasure keeps him engaged enough to keep himself from ducking down below the surface of his own pool of emotions that have curdled up, stinks from the stagnation, and seeks to be released.
Most empaths are unfortunately so giddy from the appreciation of their friends and family that they never stop to figure out what is happening to them. Just like crystals need to be recharged and cleansed and grounded, empaths need the same level of self-care. For empaths to thrive they need a develop a self care ritual and incorporate it within their lifestyles. Listed below are five handy but easy to use lifestyle tools for an empath:
1.Emotional Freedom Technique
This is a technique that stands out for its simplicity and effectiveness. It blends psychotherapy with accupressure to rewire the mind body connection. Read my blog below on how to tap using EFT :
2. Essential Oils
Essential oils are magic droplets of nature & its abundance filled in a bottle. They are immensely powerful in enhancing mood and dealing with psycho-emotional issues. Lavender essential oil is probably the most versatile and easily the most favourite essential oil that I use for relaxing and calming myself when I feel overwhelmed or confused.
3. Learning to say NO when you want to say NO
Empaths suffer from this need to be seen and they try to do this by being useful and helpful even at the cost of their own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being. This is a manifestation of their lack of boundaries and wreaks havoc on them. Empaths need to realise that they are not responsible for everyone and everything and if they don’t value their time, no one else will.
4. Drinking energised water
Emotions are denoted by the element of water. Roughly 70% of our body is composed of this element and thus it becomes relevant to be mindful of the quality of water we intake. Water also contains memory and blessing it with positive words energises it.
5. Regular rock salt baths
Salt water helps in grounding by removing excess charge from our bodies. This is extremely relaxing and also a very simple way to maintain your spiritual hygiene.
Empathy is a gift. Empowered empathy is a superpower. It comes from a place of inner balance and wholeness. Are you an empath? What tools do you use to stay calm when the waves of turbulent emotions hit you? Comment below!