white black and green butterfly illustration

Dragons In My Head

I grew up on a diet of dread

Often peppered with casual contempt

This created a monumental cleft

In understanding myself

For, aren’t the loftier values of love and courage

The bedrock for examination of the self ?

And so it seems,

Childhood to adulthood was a conglomerate

Built on scraps gathered along the way

A cheap imitation of the world I had seen

Everything that was outside me

Twisted and corrupted by a perception

That was as yet unclean

Shallow, greedy and withholding

Repeatedly abandoning me

Was society rehashing a lesson here ?

A deeper truth my desecration wouldn’t allow me to see

Difficult it was to accept, agonizing even

But the world was only acting like a tapestry

A tapestry I had weaved with acute disregard and flippancy

And was now mirroring parts of me that I refused to see

Realization descended on me in a dream

A cloud seemed to burst

Laced with a destructive force

The downpour wiped out my beliefs

These cobwebs I had weaved in the name of industry

Were transactional to the seams

Its holy trinity ; money, power and pedigree

Nourished by the conception of a love fettered

In ideas of control and reciprocity

The love that had birthed me

And fed me illusions for teachings

I woke up with a start

Laughing like a maniac

I could hear the thud of my panicked heart

A caricature of the Creator had broken out like a boil in my mind

A towering figure who had traversed space and time

Pondering over a sheet, he said:

“The costs of running this cosmos is greater than the benefits, it seems!

Humanity is depraved and forever wanting

Regardless of the abundance I have birthed these humans in

They desecrate all that is holy and whine for petty things

Animals are massacred for tricks and treats

While the soil they walk on has been irrevocably bleached

The seas and oceans have been defecated in

And the aquatics are forced to beach

Should I flag it in green and let this planet spin?

Or, should I terminate this project, unleash the flood, and wipe it all clean?”

This divine mockery about project management skills made me acutely sick

Was there yet a chance at understanding

What it means to be alive and kicking ?

Synchronicities were screaming at me to take notice

I decided to spend some time studying theology and philosophy

It felt like The Creator was asking me to search in the invisible realms

And reclaim meaning in this life I had been dragging my feet in

That evening, the Ace of Cups was my one card Tarot reading

Laughable, isn’t it?

In this age when we sing songs about profitability

And, since time is money for the materialists

I was wasting away, “technically”

The chagrin that my spiritually defunct kith and kin bestowed upon me

Was entertaining to the seams

Doubly so as it completely failed to restrain

The movable feast that was stirring within

Regardless of the mirth my existential distress caused my friends and family

I continued to mine for meaning

Through my unrest, I discovered a passage

It redeemed my faith in the immense scope of our cosmic consciousness

For it never crossed my childish imagination

That the self can be understood

Only by looking within

And marrying the divinity that resides therein

There is nothing unique about this litany of self-discovery

If only, you allow yourself to take the journey willingly

Or, it may even be forced down your throat through divine will

For although, the dragon of chaos sleeps in the deepest recesses of memory

At any moment, it can begin to slither and creep in

From beyond into the manifest

There is absolutely nothing you can do to stall its conquest

Resistance only intensifies the suffering that it brings in its stead

As it burns your innards and sways your balance

Remember, a speck it is of your own unconscious

Awoken from a deep slumber to catalyze an alchemical change

So you may turn around your gaze

Burn down that conglomerate

Consecrate your inner space

And know the joy

Of living a life bequeathed with Grace

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